Why can Coaching feel like paying for nothing…

May 28

I remember leaving my first coaching session and thinking: Did I just pay for nothing?

Coaching feels unlike most services we pay for. With a hairdresser, the exchange feels simple.You pay, you chat, you leave with proof, a visible new haircut. People notice right away. But coaching? That’s different. The progress is real, but not always visible on day one. And that can feel unsettling.

Why do we expect instant change in coaching when no other mastery works that way?

Why Coaching Feels Different from Other Services.

Coaching can feel quite abstract. That is why I like to compare it with more realistic situations. Imagine, you break a leg. We want instant results from coaching, but would you trust a surgeon who promised you could run the day after your operation? It is obvious that healing will take some time. Why we treat our mind and emotions differently?

Similarly like healing, I see coaching as a process you enter. It can be an amazing journey of transformation. And the results? Some people, I call them “FAST CHANGERS”, are ready to swing the doors open in a single session, while others, “the SLOW CHANGERS”, first need to find the courage to even reach for the handle. Both paths are valid, because sustainable change is not one-size-fits-all.

So the real question is: What would “the change” or “result” mean for you?

Sometimes people find big breakthrough within 1 session, find solution in 20 minutes. In reality, often times, the sustainable change and “desired magic”, doesn’t happen inside the session. It happens after. It’s about the small consistent steps between sessions that create the deepest shifts.

I must say, that many people find peace just by telling the things that were unspoken and hidden deep inside for too long time. Relief after our talk is massive. Maybe you’ve felt relief just by voicing what you’ve held in for too long as well… But many people think and feel in a deeper layers and need more time to process layer after layer.

That’s the paradox of coaching: you may even feel like you’re “paying for friend talk” in the moment, when in reality, you’re paying for the process that rewires how you think, act, and show up in your life. If coaching feels still abstract, let me give you the closer analogy I know from my own life: learning a new language.

Learning a New Language is A Perfect Analogy…

I am passionate about languages, and I remember the mix of excitement and frustration very well. Maybe you can imagine this as well.

At first, it can feel great. In the classroom, everything is structured. You have a guide, you feel safe, even confident. But the real test comes when you step outside and talk to locals. Suddenly, the fast pace, the accents, the slang, … It’s messy. It all can make you feel like you are starting from zero again. Frustrating, right?

But hand to your heart, did you expect to be fluent after one class? Probably not. Perhaps you:

attended lesson after lesson,
stumbled through conversations,
watched movies, listened to podcasts,
picked up dialects and local slang,
…Until one day, almost without noticing, you were simply speaking, you start to understand and it feels more doable. And you even forgot how you reached that place. That’s how learning works. It’s cumulative, not instant. Without those initial discomfort and inputs you would likely not reach the finish line of satisfaction.

Coaching follows the same principle. The session can feel like the classroom. It can feel uncomfortable and slow. But the real progress speeds up after the sessions, depending on how you apply, practice, and integrate the learning into daily life.

What Are You Really Paying For in Coaching?

Most of people think about payment per hour. However, you’re not paying only for a single hour of conversation. You’re investing in a longer structured learning process. For rewiring how you think, decide, and show up in your life. For yourself as well as for others.

In practice, this might look like:

changing how you respond to stress,
finding new confidence,
expand the way of your thinking,
creating better quality relationships,
showing up at work with clarity instead of burnout,
or finally acting on a project you’ve delayed for years.

These aren’t “quick-fix” results. They’re transformations. With snow ball effect not only for you but also for those around you.

The “Invisible” Work That Coaching Activates

One of the most powerful, and frustrating, truths about coaching is this: The breakthroughs often happen between sessions, not inside them.

Maybe it’s a new way you respond during a difficult conversation. Or a moment when you stop procrastinating and finally take action. Or the first time someone says to you: “You’ve changed. What happened?”

So the question isn’t: “What did I get in this one hour?”

The question is:
“Am I willing to invest in the process that transforms me long after the session is over?”

Because coaching isn’t about instant proof.
It’s about lasting change.

Have you ever walked away from a conversation and only days later realized it changed you?